I was just reading a journal article about what makes kids happy. No, I'm not talking about an ice cream cone! The article talks about what factors in a child's life show a relationship predict that the child will test high on surveys of happiness. This shows us as parents what factors we want to have in a child's life.
This study was done with 9-12 year olds. Now, as a scientist, I cannot say that this is true for 2 year olds and 4 year olds. But as a parent and an experienced educator, I can say it is pretty darn close. There is also no promise that a happy 12 year old will become a happy adult, but here science can tell you that many of the same factors that made 12 year olds happy also make adults happy. So all-in-all, I think we can learn a lot from this article.
What is a little surprising is that happiness in the kids was not related to how many siblings they have (so if you chose to stop at one child and feel guilty, you can stop!) Happiness was also not related to parents age or marital status (again, you can now shed some guilt.)
So what makes kids happy? The same things that makes adults happy! Mostly, we and kids are happy when we have good relationships with family and friends.
Kids who felt close to their parents were more likely to feel happy. Also, having good relationships with peers made kids feel happy. Those kids who didn't feel that their friends were mean to them and didn't make fun of them were more likely to feel happy.
Now there is a bit of a viscous cycle here. Kids who are happy are more likely to form good relationships with friends and, we now know, that kids who have good friendships are more likely to be happy. So here is where we, as parents, have to step in. If a child does not have a lot of friends, then we have to step in and encourage it. Invite kids over for play-dates and sleepovers, talk to the teacher about friends in class, etc. We can also help our child by modeling good friendships for them with our friends.
How do we help our child form good relationships with us, their parents? Well, what do you want in a relationship? Do you want to be respected? Do you respect your child? Do you want to be valued? Do you value your child?
So right now, please think about this for a moment? Do you model good relationships for your children? Where can you improve? Do you model being happy for your child? Where can you improve? (Come on, give a clear answer!)
And this is how you can help your child to be happy!
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